Father Orthoduck had the following announcement relayed to him by email. I am unfortunately not able to track down the source. However, I have included a video of the team censer swing from the Western Rite team from the Antiochian Archdiocese. Both the Antiochians and the Russians have been training these alternate liturgical teams.
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The International Olympic Committee is putting finishing touches on a new set of games: Liturgical Olympics.
Here are some of the top sports:
Russians are the favorites in the Censer Swing, a gymnastic sport of timing and grace, in which priests and deacons compete to make the most intricate formations with the smoke and movement of the censer. Points off for setting vestments on fire.
Georgians and Bulgarians are expected to be top competitors in the Long Note: a track and field event to see who can hold a note the longest. There are individual, team and relay heats. Points off for flatting.
Greeks are taking top odds in Speed Liturgy, another track and field event, in which priest, deacon and choir compete for the speediest liturgy. Judges will be listening carefully to see if anything is left out.
It’s an open field in Altar Boy Synchronization, in which teams of altar servers move in synchronized motion with candles, icons, fans and censers. Nike and Adidas are in a bidding war over who will provide team shoes.
Surprisingly the Antiochians are favored in the Lengthy Liturgy competition, fielding teams with AOEM antecedents  and  teams from the region of the Mid –West.  Permission for these variances has evidently been obtained from GHQ.
Americans are expected to be major contenders in Canon Tossing and the heavier-weight Anathema Hurling. There will be individual, team and relay heats in this event as well, with points off for players hitting their own teams and fans.
Other events will include Bishop Vesting, High Note, Low Note and Countertenor, and Distance Sprinkling.
Excitement is building as Orthodox Olympians around the world prepare for these events.
ROFL! 😀